


The Five People Addison Has Loved

by theagonyofblank



Category: Grey's Anatomy, L Word
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-07
Updated: 2007-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-21 21:32:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theagonyofblank/pseuds/theagonyofblank
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Addison hates these sorts of questions, because even before she opens her mouth to reply she already knows what the answer should be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Five People Addison Has Loved

_Truth or dare?_

 _Truth._

 _All right… If you absolutely had to pick – it’s a life or death matter, here, Addy – one person to spend the rest of your life with on an island in the middle of nowhere, who would you pick?_

Addison hates these sorts of questions, because even before she opens her mouth to reply she already knows what the answer _should_ be. She already knows the reply that’s expected of her. But there’s something about the way that Helena asks it that makes her think twice; that’s why her mouth opens, then shuts again as she pauses to reconsider. (It’s fairly unattractive to leave her mouth hanging open, and she knows that Helena doesn’t like it.) She glances at the dark-haired woman on the couch next to her – she knows that it’ll only take a look to know what to say; Helena has always been easy to read like that. When she does look, however, what she sees surprises her. Instead of a clear-cut _yes_ or _no_ answer, what she gets are sparkling eyes, a ghost of a smile.

Helena wants the truth.

And Addison hates that, and really she’s thinking that truth or dare questions should not be allowed to be this hard. She loves what she’s built with Helena over the past year, and the both of them have put a lot of time and effort into making this relationship work. So truthfully, Addison knows that no matter what she says, Helena will not end the relationship – she’s not that petty. But she thinks that it will change the dynamics of their relationship, because who bounces back that quickly from this kind of question? She’s also just starting to realize that if she had just answered the damn question two minutes ago, when Helena had posed it, then the tone would have been a lot lighter and it would’ve been a regular truth or dare question, not this serious issue to be thought about for minutes at a time. But it’s far too late to try and throw in a silly answer now, so Addison goes ahead and thinks about it.

The first person who comes to her mind is Derek. She’s not surprised; even though they’ve been divorced for a while (almost three years), she’s spent so much time loving him she doesn’t think she can ever forget it. She doesn’t want to forget it, either. When she first met him she didn’t like him, didn’t like his arrogance – he was convinced he would be at the top of his field, and Addison doesn’t like people like that. She never thought she would end up married to him. Of course, she never thought she would cheat on him, either. But she’s learned a lot since Derek, like how to keep a relationship strong and how she can’t spend the rest of her life with him because she’s not right for him, and he for her. She also knows better now than to entertain stray thoughts that involve attractive doctors, or attractive anybodies, because she knows that can only lead to trouble, and maybe divorce.

Mark is the next to pop up in her mind, but only because whenever she thinks of Derek and her marriage, she can’t help but broach the topic of Mark Sloan – it’s only natural, after all. But she knows that although she loved him, she could never spend any time (much less the rest of her life) on an island with him, unless they were having sex. Because who is she kidding? Mark isn’t very faithful. She’s not trying to say that she’s the holiest of holies or that she’s never cheated, because that would be pretentious of her and again, who is she kidding? But she knows Mark well enough to know that no matter how much he thinks he loves her, he will only leave her in the end for a younger and more attractive woman. Being a surgeon isn’t an easy job and it takes up a lot of her time, and to put it bluntly, Addison doesn’t have the time or the strength to have her heart broken again.

Then there was Nancy – Nancy Shepherd, and even though it’s not right Addison always feels like laughing when she thinks of her relationship with Nancy. Because it happened after she and Derek got a divorce, and she thought, just once, if she and Nancy committed to each other, she could remain Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. It didn’t last, but Addison wanted it to – she extended her stay in New York for a full two months to try and work it out, but when it came down to it, the relationship was just a bit incestuous. And family gatherings would be more than a little uncomfortable. There was also something about a man that Nancy was seeing, which complicated matters a tiny bit, but that was something Addison overlooked because really. He was an OB-GYN; tall, red-haired. And as far as Addison was concerned, Nancy was dating the male Addison Montgomery. Partly for that, partly for more, she decides she couldn’t have Nancy on the island with her.

Izzie is the fourth person who comes to her mind, because it’s raining right now and the first time she had coffee with Izzie, it had been raining. She’s not quite sure how or why they ended, except that she thought – like she thought with Derek – that this was it, that she wouldn’t have to look anymore, because this was the woman she wanted to be with for the rest of her life. Maybe it was that they spent too much time together. Or maybe (like Derek) Addison wasn’t paying enough attention, because one day it wasn’t rainbows and smiley faces and it was over. She’s never been able to work up the courage to ask Izzie what went wrong, because she thinks she should know – but she doesn’t. They’re still friendly to each other, and Addison thinks that if they were still together Izzie would be the obvious choice – but they aren’t, and it would be awkward on the island with her, so she nixes that idea.

Besides, Addison is grateful that she and Izzie are over because if they weren’t, she wouldn’t have met Helena.

Or maybe she would’ve met Helena and had a relationship with her anyway.

And she and Izzie would have ended because of that.

Regardless, Addison is glad she’s with Helena.

Because Helena is gorgeous, and smart, and _British,_ and Addison is completely and hopelessly in love with everything about her. And if you ask her, she doesn’t think they could ever end.

So really, when it boils down to it, it’s not that hard.

 _I would pick you._

And when Helena smiles, so does Addison.


End file.
